Chad Was Here

Just ask yourself this in any impossible situation that you are in. For example:

1. Being attacked by terrorists
2. Locking the keys in the car
3. Being taken hostage and tortured

These are just some of the many situations that could happen in your world. Just remember, when you are in trouble just think “WWJBD” and you will always get out of it unscathed. Hey! Why not? Jack Bauer always does!

In the 2 months where Jack Bauer was presumed dead, Tony Almeida was put in a coma, Michelle and David Palmer were killed, a major hurricane ravaged the Gulf Coast, and Rob Schneider made another movie. See what happens when Jack isn’t around?

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the # 5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was a 15-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

Jack Bauer’s house has an alarm system — not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 83 takes before he could stop saying, “You’re in good hands with Jack Bauer”.

In 4 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the f#@k have you done with your life?

Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

If everyone on “24″ followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “2″.

and finally….. Jack Bauer vs. The entire Chinese population. Fair Game.

Where he used to be

The original post that refers to this joke

He lasted a whole month in there. Maybe he just got sick of the smelly bathroom and complained. But I doubt it. Billy doesn’t worry. He’s happy.

Includes a shredder, four check fraud prevention pens, and a book about identity theft for $50. Really. Whoever thought up the “for dummies” scheme is a genius.

It’s really sweet that she came down here and wanted to sit on my lap and “write” as she calls it. Probably shouldn’t have let her use the permanent markers, but oh well, it’ll come off. :-)

She pointed at the markers and said, “I want allllll of them.” So, I gave her two. “No, allll of them.” So, I gave her all of them. “More” she said. “I don’t have more.” I replied. “Ok”

It was funny to watch her go nuts with the markers though it made me a little nervous. She wanted me to draw her hands. Then she wanted me to do her feet. She pulled her little house shoes off and contorted her legs to get her feet up on the desk so I could trace them. That “tickies” is what she said.

Hailey and Papa Chad

Every year, we take part in the tradition of black eyed peas on New Year’s Day. Last year was Michelle’s first time to have them and according to her and judging from the trials of 2008, we won’t be taking part in the tradition again. :-)

I went to the store to get eggs and just browsed down the aisle to maybe get a can for me, but they were all out!! :-(

No Black Eyed Peas??

Maybe these will work too

Lindsey,

If Hailey starts saying “Elbo” show her these. I’ve been showing her them on my iPhone and she likes them.

Love,
Chad

Michelle and Hailey and I had a great time in Oklahoma this past weekend! Lots O Love!

This isn’t all the pictures. I’m considering uploading all of them to flickr, but haven’t made up my mind yet.

December 27, 2008

December 28, 2008

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same elephant.

A man reads in the paper of a white gorilla in a zoo far away. He decides that he just has to see it. The journey will be a long and arduous one but he simply cannot resist. He sets out on his trip and travels by car to the docks, and catches a boat across a huge ocean. After weeks of sea travel he arrives at the other side and takes a train to the zoo.

When he sees the white gorilla he can’t believe his eyes, it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. He simply must get a closer look, so he goes to the zoo manager and begs to be allowed into the gorilla’s cage.

After much arguing, the man finally persuades the manager to let him in to the gorilla’s cage, but before he does he tells the man that whatever he does he must not under any circumstances touch the white gorilla. The man agrees and is led to the cage.

He tiptoes into the cage and is amazed, the gorilla is even more beautiful close up than it was from a distance. The white gorilla just sits quietly and looks at the man. After a while the man gets use to being so close to the gorilla and it seems so peaceful and calm that he starts to think that there can’t be any harm in touching the gorilla. He slowly moves closer and closer to it, all the time the white gorilla just looks calmly at him. He reaches out his arm and gently touches the gorilla.

Just as his arm makes contact the gorilla jumps up and starts roaring. The man turns and runs to the exit, getting there just before the gorilla. He leaps through the door and the keepers slam the door just in time.

The gorilla pulls at the door and to the man’s horror the bars start to bend. The man runs out of the zoo and to the train station and jumps on the train, which as luck would have it is just leaving. He glances back and can see the gorilla chasing after the train, but not gaining on it. The train arrives at the docks and the man quickly scampers aboard the boat.

The boat leaves and the man thinks he’s safe at last. He relaxes and starts to enjoy the leisurely cruise back across the ocean. The day they’re due back in port he’s walking on deck when he sees a small shape in the water trailing behind the boat. He can’t make it out so he borrows a pair of binoculars from someone. He focuses the binoculars on the small shape and is horrified to discover that it’s the white gorilla, swimming behind the boat. It must have been there all along.

The boat then arrives in port and the man hurries through customs and rushes to his car. He drives off just in time to see the gorilla climbing out of the ocean from his rear view mirror. He drives as fast as he can to his house and runs in locking the door behind him. All the time being followed be the huge white gorilla. The gorilla starts pounding on the door and having seen what it did to the cage at the zoo the man knows it won’t take it very long to get in. He runs from room to room trying to think of a place he can hide. He hears the door shatter and dives into a wardrobe and pulls the door closed behind him. Outside the gorilla is going mad trying to find the man, he’s ripping things up and tearing out doors. Finally he comes to the wardrobe the man is hiding in and rips the door off. The gorilla sees the man and smiles, reaches out a massive hand and gently touches the man and says…

“Tag, you’re it.”

The epitomy of indifference. I realized after I made this, that I made a “b” instead of a “d.” “D” is for dumb. I didn’t care enough to fix it at the time and was really given a hard time. They called me “Chab” all day yesterday, but now that it’s starting to melt it bothers me more. After taking this picture, I took a snow shovel to it. You may now call me “Chab” or “Jack” or any number of names that aren’t my given.

Chab

From the email:

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives! Some doctor on the TV this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace isto finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished and, before leaving the house his morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, abutle of vocka, a pockage of Pringlies, tha mainder of a botl Prozic and Valumscriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets. Yu haf no idr who gud I fel. Peas sen dis orn to anyy yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.

Chad Was Here

A conversation while taking this picture

Chad: I should have had you take my picture while I did that

James: Well, lay down there again and I will

Chad: No way! I got snow down my pants.

James: We should get four guys in boxers and take a picture playing cards at the picnic table.

Chad: Why even wear boxers?

James: I don’t like snow in my crack.

Chad: Yeah, I know the feeling.

Not a fun thing to open the garage door to when you're already late

Good thing there’s “late reporting” at work. I found out after I spent 15 minutes cleaning that off and getting cold and wet in the process. Ug.